I’ve been working really hard in a crafting sense lately, and having added it up I have eleven different WIPs on the go. Maybe this is sensible and maybe it is foolish, I veer between thoughts about my disloyalty to my projects, wondering whether what started as logic might have gone too far; one CAL, one project for on the go, on project for when I’m watching TV, one I really have to focus on with no distraction….. Can you see the sense behind the weirdness?
It’s been hard to try and stay focused on one thing lately. When my mood dips, and my PTSD spikes, my attention span is very limited. This is backed up by science, rather than me just making excuses, which I know some people understandably believe.
It’s not so much that I’m feeling awful as an entity; more that I’ve been prodding my deep thoughts, and exploring my soul, for a lack of better description. There have been thinks I need answers to, and the first answer is that they can only come from me. People search for years, by themselves or with spiritual guidance, to find internal peace, and some form of daily calm. Learning how to sit with yourself, even in you more uncomfortable state, is something I’m practicing. Forgiveness might not be my style, but acceptance would really benefit me.
I know this sounds rather like a tangent, but the mind, body and soul are all so connected and entwined, that when one part is struggling, the other parts struggle too. So as my mind works through all the pain and difficulty of trauma therapy, my crochet is feeling out of balance.
Then there is the fact that I simply don’t have enough hours in the day to make everything I’d like to, even if I was at full strength, physically and mentally. I’ve started on Christmas gifts, but there are decorations I need to do, I’m considering doing a craft stall at a Christmas fair, so I need to prepare for that. I have things to finish now, long term, and as-they-grow. Finding some form of balance with which project I’m working on, and making sure there is love going into it – because if craft doesn’t come from your heart, where is it coming from at all? – to ensure an item that needs to be made is both a ‘need’ and ‘want’ to work on.
Oh gosh this all sounds rather negative, but it’s not necessarily so. It’s just the way life works out sometimes, and I do love each and every project I make. Sometimes I just wish I had another dozen hands.
And a fortnight laying next to a pool.