Painsomnia is probably only something you have come across if you are a Spoonie (more on that another time). I means exactly what it appears to – that you are in too much pain to sleep, or have been woken up by pain from sleep.
Which is exactly why I woke up at a quarter past five this morning.
You know you have dealt with painsomnia before when you’re grateful for it being so close to morning. There’s been many a night where I haven’t been able to sleep at all, and you learn to tell when it’s going to be one of Those Nights. You get comfy on the sofa, maybe with a snack and a cup of tea, dose yourself up, and snuggle down with something trashy on the TV and hoping that some sleep comes.
Being in too much pain to sleep, or waking up from pain, always seems so bitterly ironic as chronic pain normally goes hand in hand with chronic fatigue (we’re talking of the symptom, not the syndrome here). Being in so much pain, and coping with pain, is exhausting to a level that is incomprehensible to a healthy person. And that’s not to say that they can’t empathize, or sympathize, but they cannot fully understand what it means to be in so much pain. Those with chronic pain are functioning on a level of pain that would ground completely a healthy person if they were struck down with it temporarily. I wish often, not in a cruel way, that there was a button that could be pressed so others could understand the true level of chronic pain, just for a few minutes, though maybe for a whole day, so they see what trying to function for 24 hours is like with all the pain, and the consequences of the pain.
Right now I am in agony. I’m doing that breathing like they teach you for labour, looking and sounding like a wounded buffalo. I’ve taken some of the strongest pain killers I have and have put on the above mentioned trash, with a cup of tea, and my yarn which I will be working with once I’ve finished this post. Then in a short while my Little Crafter will wake up and I’ll have to be happy and smiley and “I’m not in so much pain I want to cry and curl up in a ball forever”. Thankfully (?) I’m used to doing this, because this is my every day.
But it’s always so much bloody harder after a bout of painsomnia.