A bit of a ramble…

I don’t have anything specific to say today. Because my brain is so foggy I can’t think straight. It’s a weird sensation to live with, you head being full of cotton wool and random words rather than logic. Looking at something and not remembering what it is. Being somewhere and not remembering quite how you got there or why.

Sometimes it’s scary. Sometimes, I feel too full of cotton wool to be scared. But when you think about it afterwards it’s overwhelming. 

I’m having a moment of feeling so totally incredibly overwhelmed by my illnesses at present. Being unable to rely on any part of your body, knowing it is untrustworthy and will betray you whenever it feels like it is a scary thought to be strolling around with. 

And that’s one of the things people often fail to understand. Hesitating about making plains because you know your joints could give way. Backing out of arrangements because you know that one more push of energy will cause a flare. Knowing you can’t function likr a healthy person because you need to spend two days laying supported by cushions and blankets to recover from a trip to the supermarket. 

It sounds so ridiculous doesn’t it? That some bodies have been built purely to fail their owners. 

I’m so very tired of the pain and the fatigue and the unpredictability and all the crap that goes with it. 

I need a break from my own body. 

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