I’ve been going through trauma therapy for the last few months. It’s been a wobbly, difficult, fascinating experience. There is still so much more to do, and I’m positively anxious to engage in it. The last few weeks, I’ve been tracking some of my PTSD experiences in the following worksheet.
Again, it’s been a really interesting exercise as much as an upsetting one. I’ve been of the habbit in the last few years of doing something of this automatically, by my own design, mentally tracking where things that have triggered me stem from. That has been both interesting and useful, seeing where things come from, and I believe it has been a good basis for this task.
One of the reasons I was asked to do this was to try and see if any particular trauma appeared more than others. I think it can safely be said that the multiple traumas I’ve been through he appeared in the forms in a fairly equal measure, which, from an emotionally detached view, has been quite intriguing, as it has certainly made me pay more attention to things I hadn’t considered to be such large issues in my life. Things like the bullying I endured at school, for example, is still haunting me more than I had appreciated; surrounding by people, loud noises, certain words and actions have all appeared as triggers rooted in bullying.
I’ve been keen to engage in trauma therapy for a while; in fact it was a request from me that first started the ball rolling with treating the trauma side of things. It was a hard request to make and yet so easy. The reality is always different from the request, and whilst it has been difficult, it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made.
My next appointment is in a few weeks, and as I’ve become accustomed to, there is a mixture of nerves, anticipation and excitement about the next movement forward. I am keeping everything in mind with sessions, that it is always two steps forward, one step back, but you can always hop a bit after. Life throws curve balls, but the whole point of therapy is learning how to catch those balls rather than taking them as knocks on the head.