My goodness, I have been feeling like utter crap the last two days. Combination of glare up and bug I think, but regardless of cause, I have just been so wiped out! I’ve hardly been functioning, just sleeping at every moment available. It’s always very frustrating when I’m feeling like that, as it would be for anyone, but I do my best to try and put a positive spin on things; what better time to relax, rest, and reset.
So as I’m typing this, I am snuggled on the sofa with good coffee – very good coffee – and others happy things; fluffy blanket, yarn, slippers, cat. NotMyCat always seems to know when cuddling would make the world a better place, although I’m sure from his perspective, it’s the option of a different lap and different fluffy blanket. I’m so tired that every time I blink my eyes want to stay closed. LittleCrafter is finishing off the little bit of homework he has left – a book repott, so it had to wait until he had finished the book! – and chatting to me intermittently. The birds in the trees just outside are making such beautiful noise, and whilst that sounds terribly stereotypical, it is so peaceful listening to it.
I decided the other day to treat myself to Pact delivery once a month. I used to have it, but cut it out to save money. I am a self confessed coffee snob, and am not ashamed to admit it, so good coffee is something I am prepared to budget for Upon weighing it up lately though, the price of coffee beans in shops, verses Pact delivery, AND weighing up the quality of said beans…. I decided Pact was something I needed in my life.
I know to some that coffee is just a mug with brown liquid in it, but to me it is a relaxation me this unto itself. I drink my coffee black and without sugar, so I need the coffee itself to be lovely. And yes, thank you very much, I am aware I sound a tad pretentious. However, the ritual of making and drinking a good cup of coffee is soothing, and is sometimes exactly what I need when my head is spinning.
It’s not the only thing I do to chill out, of course. In a recent conversation with the psychologist I’m doing my trauma therapy with, we discussed the relaxing things I had in place, and the others that could be possibly used in addition. Chamomile tea, music, trashy TV, yoga, and of course crochet were just some of the things we came up withj.
Crochet is a major part of my life, and yet working with yarn came in at a really low point. After my breakdown, a friend taught me to knit, which quickly became something hugely important to me. I taught myself to crochet a while later, and there years on, I hook every day for some length of time. It really is a huge part of maintaining my wellbeing. I never thought it would or could be (a friend initially tried to teach me, poor sod – I wasn’t a quick learner), as whilst I am very creative, I had both my lack of artistic ability and my perfectionism working against me. I’ve said before how I have an unfortunate habit to tend towards giving up if things don’t make sense immediately, because I have a fear of failure. But crochet was something I really wanted to do, and I also really wanted to challenge that perfectionism. Crochet in general has been a huge learning curve, both about what you can make with metal and wool, but also about myself, teaching myself and learning about myself. I believe as human beings, we are ever growing and ever learning; there is never a point at which you cannot choose to be better than you are, and crochet has made me a better person.
Resting and relaxing can come in so many formats. It can feel utterly terrifying, the thought of relaxing, when you have PTSD, so finding a way to tap into this essential need is a real victory.